I just got lost.
My younger cousin died in March. It’s hard to picture him gone because he wasn’t an active presence in my life. He was just someone who had always been there and who I expected always would be.
Tonight, I was driving in the car with two of my youngest cousins and one of them asked “Who’s the oldest cousin in our family? Is it Bill?”
“No,” I said, “It’s Jimmy.”
“Then Bill?”
“Nope, then Steven. Then Amanda. Then Bill. Then me…”
I paused. Then Scotty. He came next. I had no idea what to say.
“Then Brian,” one said, filling the silence.
“Right. Then you two, and then Baby J.”
We skipped him. I wondered if saying his name would have hurt more than the sudden emptiness I felt.
I’m not sure how to walk this fine line. I’m not sure how to walk it with others.
I don’t want to be afraid to say that he came next, even though he left first.
Then Scotty. Then Scotty. Then Scotty.
Anxiety is nothing but fear inspired by an imagined future collapse.
— Thomas Moore
The Michigan Difference.
Zorro kills a thief in a lecture hall at the University of Michigan.
I AM DYING THIS IS SO GREAT.
(via fuckyeahumich)
Never a Dull Moment
Alex: Have you ever seen ‘A Very Long Engagement’?
Me: Yeah… I liked it. It’s just… it’s ‘A Very Long Movie’.
Leslie: Yeah, it’s a very long time to be engaged.
The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars.
— Jack Kerouac
